He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
