tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
