i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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