Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
