I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize