Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
