worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
