i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
