No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
