Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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