He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
