In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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