I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
