I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
