she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
