it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish I only lived at night.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
