I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
