She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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