She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
