My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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