I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
