i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Green mimosas i think yes
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
