Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
