We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
