Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
