bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
