either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
