This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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