I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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