Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My ass is underappreciated
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
