That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
