I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
