She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
