During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
