the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
