but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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