Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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