I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
