So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Two words: blizzard sex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
