I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
