I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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