Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
