She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
