thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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