I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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