why didn't you poke me back
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
