This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize