i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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