im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
