So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
