All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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