just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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