did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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