I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
