no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
