Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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