wakey wakey hands off snakey
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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