The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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