Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
