why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
