Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize