we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
