I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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