I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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