Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Bring me that man meat
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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