Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize