The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
