Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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