You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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